How to: Find a potential date

Finding a potential date is sometimes the hardest part of the dating process. Once found, then the fun part begins.

To find a mate, the first thing that a person should do is to make a list of all the qualities they would like in someone. The list should include everything from eye color to their likes and dislikes to if they are serious or humorous. This way you will know exactly what they are looking for and will be able to judge a possible date quickly and decide if that person is date-worthy or not.

A good way to meet someone new and without having an awkward one-on-one experience is to hang out and have fun. This could be at a bar, party, or just a small group getting together to watch a movie. The experience could help to ‘test the waters’ before dating someone. The group interaction will help the ‘looker’ see who the possible date actually is. Although some say that this is a bad way to meet a possible mate, I think for some people who are shy around people they have not met yet, it is the perfect way to meet people.

Finding a relationship is based highly on where the person is located geographically. People usually meet people when they have a common nearness in regards to proximity, also know as their propinquity. If you live in the country, odds are that there will not be a large group of people to choose from. But if you live in New York City, there will be thousands of people to choose from. If you want to meet someone in college you should go to a college that follows your religion, tastes and likes. If the person does not feel they are in the right area to meet someone and they are not happy, move somewhere that is more appealing and will have a greater population of the same type of people as you. Also, if the person is in a place they like, but is still not meeting people, change up the daily routine. It is known that architectural structures influence traffic patterns within and between buildings. Walk around the block on the path to work instead of through a building, or get the morning cup of coffee from different places once or twice a week. This will widen the looker’s view for possible dates and will give them a few more mates to through into or out of the mate pool.

One of the biggest problems people have when looking for a relationship is to not give people a false impression of their true self. Many people want to try to impress the possible date to a point where they form their opinions, judgments, and behaviors to that of the other. This will give them a false impression of you and if a relationship does spawn from the dates, you or the other person will realize that one or the other was not who they thought they were. This could be very harmful and case each a lot of unnecessary heartache. A person may also attribute negative or more positive characteristics to themselves than is accurate. This will also give the possible date a false impression of you.

Do not fall for someone just because they are attractive. This might give you a ‘reward’ of esthetic satisfaction along with ‘rewards’ from others as a result of forming a relationship with an attractive other, but if that person does not fit most of your other categories on your list, toss him/her out. In the end, you will not be happy and your other needs will not be fulfilled. Instead, you should find someone who is similar to yourself and who agrees with your opinions. It is impossible to find someone who is a carbon copy of yourself, but if you had that, life would be pretty boring. Sometimes debating with someone is healthy as long as it ends with no hard feelings.

The internet now is an easy way to find a possible date. There are now more than 200 websites designed for the purpose of meeting a partner, E-Harmony and Match.com are among the top online services. Here, many possible dates will be at your fingertips and you will be able to sift through people who have many of the same interests and likes as you do. The best part is that you will be able to develop a relationship based on content independent of visual distraction. It is also a safer way to meet people, because you are not alone with the person who could potentially be dangerous, rather you are miles away. Also you get to know the people before you meet them. People are more likely to be themselves when they are not face to face with you, and therefore you may not get as big of a false impression as you would otherwise.

Speed dating is another way for people to find relationships. Usually there is a large group of people (anywhere from 8 to 100 people) that you will be able to interact with on a one-on-one basis in a short time frame and will be able to mingle with after the last ‘date.’ A popular service is the 8-Minute Date that allows a person to have 8 one-on-one dates that last 8 minutes each. This way a whole night is not wasted on one person, but rather the possibility of finding a date becomes shorter and more promising. Other advantages to speed dating is that it is in a safe environment where you don’t have to share contact information and usually if you don’t meet someone you want to see again your next session is free.

If you are looking for a relationship after a divorce, you might have a harder time finding a potential mate. This is based on the fact that most divorced people date others who are divorced, because the rest of the population your age is married already, the younger people who are not married are not usually considered an option, and the older population, the widowed, are usually considerably older. Also, the place you work is made up of people of every age, unlike college where almost everyone was your age. Another risk divorcee have in finding a mate is the increased risk for attracting HIV, because of the person’s likelihood of having multiple sex partners. A challenge arises for divorced people looking for a relationship when children are involved. The parent has to incorporate the child into the relationship, and has to worry about the child’s feelings along with their own about the new partner.

Finding a new relationship could be fun and rewarding if the person is careful about it and goes about finding the person in a way that is comfortable for them. The relationship may lead to marriage or may lead to having to find someone else before the time comes to walk down the isle. That is the chance a person takes when starting a relationship.