The happy marriage everyone is searching for

I am one of those people who have been planning my wedding since before I was five. But, that is still a few years away, not to mention a good chunk of money away. But, after growing up in as a child of divorce, and seeing so many people argue, who are supposed to be in love, I wanted to figure out just what it would take to make a successful marriage. This is what I found out after interviewing many people. If anyone has anything to add....just let me know.

A successful marriage does not come from a life without worries, but rather from the trials and tribulations of life. A successful marriage is not one that comes from a fairytale book, but one that has conflict and good communication. Conflict is normal, which many people don’t believe. Couples need to have good communication and also have to learn to compromise, reach a middle ground with some situations. It is when a couple mutually accepts a solution that fits both parties. A successful marriage also needs both parties to be accommodating. This is when an individual neglects his/her own concerns to satisfy the concerns of the other person. One person should not do this all the time, but rather each party needs to switch off, taking turns satisfying the other’s needs. This should not occur all of the time, but when the situation calls for it.

When in conflict, the couple should focus on the issue, not the individuals and use ‘I’ statements instead of ‘you’ statements. And then they will be able to work out the situation without getting into other aspects that do not deal with the situation. Facts of the situation should be stated by each side first, that way if one person perceived the wrong idea, it could be fixed and worked out before turning into a full blown argument. Remember, if one party loses, both lose. And if an argument does happen, make sure it is in the right place at the right time, this way, no one will be embarrassed and more people will not get involved. Always listen to what the other has to say, do not let anger get in the way of listening. No one is perfect, and married couples have to realize and accept the other person’s faults and shortcomings and have to be willing to accommodate that.

To avoid some conflicts, a successful marriage has to have clearly defined role agreements. Who should take care of the kids, who should cook, who cleans the house, who pays the bills, and who takes care of the vehicles are only a few examples of role agreements. Some couples may favor traditional roles, where the male is the provider and the women does the cooking and cleaning, or some may prefer non-traditional roles, where the husband may stay at home to take care of the kids and the wife is the one who pays the bills. There is no set role that is wrong and one that is right; whatever agreements fit the couple are the ones that are right for them.

Couples also should not be in close proximity all day long. It is healthy for couples to have their own groups of friends and spend time with other individuals. Having friends of the opposite sex is also good. When a couple is together all day long and hang out with the same people, they have nothing new to talk about and/or bring into the relationship, so unnecessary conflict might arise. As people, we learn from others through observation. The more people we interact with, the more we can bring into our own relationships.

Eating healthy as a couple plays a major role in having a successful marriage later on in life. The couple may be able to live longer and have a better lifestyle as an elderly couple. They may not have to go into a nursing home as quickly, and may be more alert and happy as they get older because they are healthier.

One big piece of a successful marriage is to understand that the romantic love does not last for the entire relationship. The butterflies will eventually fade away. That does not mean that you don’t love the person anymore, but it means that you both have gotten comfortable with each other. Now, you can focus on other aspects of the relationship, helping it grow stronger. When people are married love falls into the realistic/conjugal love category, where it is less emotional, passionate, and exciting, but is characterized instead by companionship, calmness, comfort, and security. Couples learn to enjoy life together in a successful marriage. They also enjoy being around each other, but do not have spend every second together, because they know at the end of the day their partner will be there for them.

Jealousy is not always good in a successful marriage. The causes for jealousy are mistrust, low self-esteem, anxiety, lack of perceived alternatives, and insecurity. None of those qualities are a part of a successful marriage, and when they are present, they can ruin the marriage. Before getting married, you should ask yourself if the person is completely trustworthy, and if you have enough self confidence to trust yourself. If not, don’t get married. It will only lead to disaster. There are some desirable outcomes of jealousy, as long as they don’t happen often. Everyone gets jealous sometimes, as a part of human nature and a slight case of jealousy can tell your partner that he/she is cared for and can lead to a good discussion. But is the case of jealousy turns bad, it could end a relationship.

Sexual values and behaviors of each partner also have to be the same to have a successful marriage. This way, each person will be sexually satisfied and not feel bad/unhappy afterwards. This should be talked about before marriage so that one partner is not misunderstood. If the husband knows that the women is more emotional when it comes to sex, he should be considerate and allow his wife to experience that feeling more often than just feeling as if it is a chore.

A successful marriage is not an easy task. It takes work and understanding along with good communication. Each couple needs to figure out what works best for them, and then go on from there to reach that happy marriage everyone is in search of.